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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26032531">Opalescent</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/farfetched/pseuds/farfetched'>farfetched</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Steven Universe (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Breaking Up &amp; Making Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fusion Negotiation, Gem Fusion, Relationship Negotiation, Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 07:42:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,945</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26032531</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/farfetched/pseuds/farfetched</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the fifth time this month that they've fallen apart, and she's fed up.</p>
<p>At least no one is there to see, just her and Pearl, the wind and their angry faces.</p>
<p>(Amethyst and Pearl try to stay fused. It... doesn't go as well as hoped.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Amethyst/Pearl (Steven Universe)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>True Kinda Love Zine</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Opalescent</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's the fifth time this month that they've fallen apart, and she's fed up.</p>
<p>At least no one is there to see, just her and Pearl, the wind and their angry faces.</p>
<p>"Well if you didn't try and eat that apple we wouldn't have split!" Pearl spits, shivering in disgust she fails to disguise. Amethyst groans in frustration and hunches her shoulders.</p>
<p>"Well if <i>you</i> weren't so prissy about it it wouldn't have even been a problem!" she hisses back, then turns away. She hears Pearl start a sentence, and then stop.</p>
<p>Amethyst frowns to herself. The whole thing just seems so empty, avoiding the real question so much that she wants to scream. </p>
<p>Standing, she holds her arms, and scowls away from Pearl. </p>
<p>Why can't Opal just be <i>easy</i>? </p>
<p>"I'm gonna check out for a bit," she mutters, and then hears Pearl sigh. Stiffening in readiness of a fight, she digs her nails into her arms. But no fight comes; in the corner of her vision she sees Pearl stand up herself, dust herself off and shift awkwardly. </p>
<p>"I was going to do much the same thing..." Pearl murmurs, and glances back at her. "I think we need some time apart." </p>
<p>And she's frozen. </p>
<p>Pearl walks away slowly, eyes on the ground. Amethyst stays, mind screeching at her. <i>Come back, don't you want this to work?!</i></p>
<p>But she doesn't. </p>
<p>Night falls, and tears trickle down her chin. Is this... rejection? Is Pearl saying she's not <i>good enough</i>? Is this it? What happens now, how does she get over this? </p>
<p>
  <i>what does she do with this?</i>
</p>
<p>She can't go back now. </p>
<p>So she gets on a train.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Life usually seems fast to her, but those hours drag. They seem to go on and on and on, mind caught up in Pearl and Opal in the time between the train wheels clacking, then back to the present when they do. </p>
<p>Pearl. Opal. <i>Clickity clack</i>. </p>
<p>Pearl. Opal. <i>Clickity clack</i>. </p>
<p>Pearl. Opal. <i>Clickity clack</i>. </p>
<p>And so on. Ad infinitum, to the stars and back. </p>
<p>
  <i>"I think we need some time apart."</i>
</p>
<p>Fisting her hands in her hair, she can't stop her eyes burning and the tears welling up. </p>
<p>"If Pearl wasn't so bad with food, we-" she starts, her voice wavering. The scenery speeding past goes blurry. "If Pearl wasn't so <i>stubborn</i>, maybe we- we could-" She presses the palms of her hands into her eyes, and hisses through her teeth. "But then if <i>I</i> could just!" </p>
<p>She thinks about all the times they've fallen apart, the blistering arguments, the metaphorical licking of wounds, the apologies and the re-fusing. How good it felt to be Opal, how viciously disappointing it is to fall apart, how painful, because- because maybe she- </p>
<p>Maybe she doesn't love Pearl enough? </p>
<p>Maybe- maybe Pearl doesn't love <i>her</i> enough. </p>
<p>The anger builds and manifests into a screech, sent into the wind for no one to hear, tears running down her face for no one to see. </p>
<p>"<i>WHY CAN'T OPAL JUST BE EASY LIKE GARNET?!</i>" </p>
<p>The wind has no answers to give her. Her destination won't either, but at least no one will see her being pathetic. </p>
<p>The breaks in the train track keep clicking under the wheels, Amethyst falls silent, and no one comes to hold her.</p>
<hr/>
<p>The Kindergarten is just as creepy as always, but Amethyst ignores that for the small kernel of familiarity and comfort it brings, albeit minute. There's just something about a place you stayed in, alone, for hundreds of years. </p>
<p>As she always does, she returns to her hole, and curls up within, watching the world go by and thinking about Pearl. </p>
<p>Pearl had suggested it, but Amethyst had thought it up. If two gems in love can't stay fused for as long as they want, then is it really true? Does Amethyst really have enough feelings for Pearl if they keep falling apart? </p>
<p>She just doesn't <i>get</i> it. Garnet stays together so easily, the handful of times that she's unfused have been voluntary, or due to being poofed, which doesn't really count. What does Garnet have that she doesn't? Or is Garnet just that much better than her at fusing too? </p>
<p>"Argh no!" She growls, clutching her head. She can't think like that, putting herself down again. She is better than this, Garnet deserves better than this, Steven deserves better and Pearl- </p>
<p>Pearl deserves the world, but most importantly, happiness. This niche that they've etched between the four of them always seemed so stable, before. Sure, things have changed now Steven has grown up and they’ve all changed a bit, but through ups and downs, they’ve made it back to their normal. </p>
<p>Maybe- maybe that’s why this isn’t working? </p>
<p>Garnet has always been Garnet. Amethyst barely knows her as anything else—Ruby and Sapphire are basically strangers to her. Opal isn’t, and has never been, a permanent fixture in the  Crystal Gems, in the same way that Sugilite, Sardonyx and Alexandrite aren’t: they form, perform their function, then defuse again and ebb  into the background, awaiting their time to shine again. Her and Pearl being Opal changes the Crystal Gems; Opal is someone they don’t know, even though they do in many ways. </p>
<p>Amethyst lets herself fall over, her hair splaying out, and stares at the thin strip of sky she can see. The sun is almost overhead now, clouds billowing over it forming intermittent shadows. </p>
<p>She loves being Opal; she loves being elegant and powerful, graceful and precise. She loves their arms working in sync, always being on tiptoes. Amethyst fell asleep in the ballet Pearl wanted her to watch once, but being Opal feels like being on that stage; watched, adored, admired. She likes that. She likes being with Pearl, enjoys messing with her, enjoys watching her, enjoys- her. </p>
<p>She loves fusing with Pearl. That’s <i>being</i> with her, rather than being <i>with</i> her. Fusing with her should be enough, right? It’s the ultimate expression of love, right? Ruby and Sapphire are deeply in love, so they almost never defuse, always choosing to <i>be</i> with each other and remain Garnet always. </p>
<p>So why aren’t her and Pearl like that? </p>
<p>Surely fusing with her is better than just being beside her? </p>
<p>And so she’s cycled back around to doubting her feelings for Pearl. </p>
<p>And so she stays, thinking and thinking. It rains, it stops. The sun sets, and it rises again. Amethyst is stuck. She breaks down some injectors into smaller and smaller pieces, she sleeps in her hole, she climbs to the top of the rift to watch the stars. </p>
<p>
  <i>If they can’t stay fused, are her feelings strong enough?</i>
</p>
<p>Lying on her back, she balls her hands into fists and squishes them against her eyes. How is she ever gonna get out of this? She doesn't want to go back without an answer, but then maybe Pearl has the answers she needs. Talking to Pearl might sort this, but they might just fuse, and then fall apart, and she doesn't want to break this anymore. She can't keep doing this, can't keep doing this to Opal, and can't keep doing this to Pearl. Amethyst wants Opal to experience more defusing by choice, not by dissonance. Heck knows Opal deserves that much. How can she stay true to herself, Pearl, <i>and</i> Opal though? </p>
<p>"-thyst, hey, Amethyst!" Steven's voice echoes up the rift. Poking her head over the sheer cliff, she spots him shuffling along, looking at the holes nervously as though something might pop out. </p>
<p>"Oi, Steven! Up here!" She yells, waving frantically. Steven spots her and grins, relieved. </p>
<p>"Hi, Amethyst! Gimme a sec, I'll be right up!" He shouts, before crouching. Amethyst leans back and settles again. A second later he reappears at the top, floating down the short distance he's risen above the ground. Amethyst shape shifts her arm longer to pull him over the ground. </p>
<p>"Phew. Thanks," he says, sitting himself down. Amethyst doesn't say anything, because she knows why he's here. It's the same reason that she's here, mostly. Steven sees a problem and wants to solve it, which is... good, but Amethyst wants to sort this herself. Wishes she already knew what to do. </p>
<p>"So..." Steven ventures awkwardly after a few minutes in silence listening to the wind. </p>
<p>"I don't know what to do with Pearl either," Amethyst says. Steven laughs nervously, perhaps thinking him coming here had been subtle. She flops onto her back and squints up at the bright sky. If she were Opal, she feels like she could reach it; as Amethyst though, it feels so far away. She growls to herself. “Why isn’t fusion enough?” she mumbles to herself. The sun burns holes into her vision, but she doesn’t blink. </p>
<p>“Well… Pearl was kinda thinking the same thing, I think…” Steven says. He looks away from her when she turns her head, wringing his hands. “I guess- you’re both modelling yourselves on Garnet, huh?” </p>
<p>“Well, duh. The only other relationship I’ve got to go on is Greg and Rose, and I mean, yikes. That’s not really us, ya’know?” Grabbing a handful of dirt, she shoves it in her mouth and chews, despite the dryness. With everything that’s come to light, it’s seemed harder and harder to even think about Rose, and especially difficult to reconcile how they knew her and how everyone else seems to have known her. It’s a complex picture, and Amethyst generally tries to avoid emotions that complicated. “If you can’t stay fused…” She shrugs. She doesn’t actually want to finish that sentence. <i>What happens then?</i></p>
<p>“Humans can’t fuse.” Glancing at Steven, he’s watching her carefully. Amethyst raises her eyebrow, puzzled. “Humans love each other, but they can’t fuse. Like… me and Connie-” <br/>“You can fuse though,” she remarks. <br/>“Me and Connie would love each other <i>whether or not we could fuse</i>! Besides, she’s not here now, is she? We’re not Stevonnie now. I still love her.” Steven gives her a pointed look. <br/>“So? Connie goes off and does Connie things then you come back together and you fuse.” Amethyst feels like she’s missing something. <br/>“We don’t always fuse, Amethyst! I don’t always <i>want</i> to be fused with her!” Steven snaps. </p>
<p>Amethyst blinks. <br/>“You don’t?” she asks, bewildered. The thought hadn’t occurred to her: fusion is such a powerful feeling that she can’t understand in some ways why he wouldn’t want to stay fused. In other ways… she feels like maybe she does know. </p>
<p>Steven sighs heavily. <br/>“Because I love her, I don’t want to be fused all the time,” he says, etching circles in the ground. Amethyst frowns at him, trying to work it out. “I want her to go do Connie things, and be a normal human, and then come back to me and tell me about it. I want to share things with her, but I want her to be her own person as well. I want to watch her, talk to her, be with her, face to face. I don’t <i>need</i> to be fused with her to know that what I feel is true.” </p>
<p>It occurs to Amethyst that she’s been taking pointers from a very small number of sources. Namely, just Garnet. From what she’s heard, Garnet’s whole reason for being in the rebellion was wanting to stay fused. Maybe Amethyst has just taken that for the only way gems can be together romantically. But then, Peridot and Lapis are very close, and they don’t fuse at all, as far as Amethyst knows. </p>
<p>“Maybe Pearl needs to go do Pearl things and you need to go do Amethyst things, and then come back and tell each other about it. I don’t think you two are like Ruby and Sapphire, are you?” Steven stands up, and smiles down at her, holding his hand out. “Wanna come with?” he offers. </p>
<p>Maybe she just needs to talk to Pearl. </p>
<p>Amethyst takes his hand and uses it to haul herself up. Flashing him a grin, they make their way to the train. On the way there, Amethyst thinks she hears him humming a familiar tune from long ago, although the lyrics might have changed a bit. </p>
<p>Something about a giant woman, and how her components could work just as well in unison but apart. Amethyst thinks she likes this version, too.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Pearl is waiting for her on the beach. The sun is dipping low in the sky when they finally make it, and Pearl is just standing there, staring out to sea. Amethyst just wants to watch for a bit, but Steven grins at the sight of her, and yells, “Hey Pearl!” </p>
<p>She twists on the spot, as though she’s dancing. She’s always dancing, Pearl. That’s what Amethyst likes about her, smoothing rough edges, making beauty out of dirt. </p>
<p>Pearl’s eyes go wide when she spots Amethyst, sheepishly holding her elbow, and she pauses. Amethyst worries that she’s going to reject her, going to tell her it can’t work between them, but Pearl’s face lights up into a grin, and Amethyst can’t help but smile back at her. </p>
<p>She’s not sure who starts running first. </p>
<p>She missed Pearl. She missed the bickering, the feeling of grated edges between them becoming smoother and smoother with time, fitting together but not completely. There will always be gaps between them, she thinks, but maybe- maybe that’s not awful. </p>
<p>They meet in the middle, and Pearl calls her name; Amethyst, filled with light, grins ecstatically and spins Pearl around. She’s giggling, then laughing, resting her hands around Amethyst’s face and bringing her lips to her forehead as they slow down. Amethyst opens her eyes and her vision is full of Pearl. </p>
<p>Then they fuse. </p>
<p>She- they didn’t mean to. They were just so happy, and the fusion comes with a flood of clarity, of knowing that Pearl wasn’t rejecting Amethyst, that Amethyst wasn’t breaking it on purpose. It’s clarity, finally, and peace. When Opal settles, she makes one final twist to face the sea once more, before holding her arms out wide, closing her eyes and breathing in deeply. </p>
<p>Calm. Serenity. It won’t last, but the good things never do. She’s still happy it’s not battle she’s arrived into, happy that there’s no emergency for this, and no specific purpose but for this bond between Pearl and Amethyst. </p>
<p>Opal is made of love, coursing through her. She can do nothing but smile, heady on the warmth of it. Steven is laughing merrily in the background, Pearl and Amethyst are reunited, and Opal feels whole. </p>
<p>Steven patters up besides her and looks up at her. <br/>“I’m gonna leave you to it, looks like you got this, Opal!” She nods, crouching down and caressing his head in two of her hands. <br/>“You helped me, Steven. You helped them. I think we have, as you say, ‘got this’ now, with much gratitude to you,” she says. Steven grins at her. <br/>“Great! You enjoy yourself, I’ll see you later!” he shouts once she has released him, and he weaves his way up the beach. Opal sits herself down facing the sun over the ocean, and watches the waves lapping at the beach. </p>
<p>“You both love him so dearly…” she murmurs. It’s something they’ve always been in unison on; they could always easily fuse if Steven was in danger. It’s always been afterwards, the both of them so insecure, so defensive, and it’s always resulted in her breaking apart. </p>
<p>It’s been new, and wholly welcome, to be fused into peace and serenity, filled with warmth. But the end was always the same. Opal hopes they can grow from this. She’s happy only being conscious occasionally if all of her existences can be warm—it means Pearl and Amethyst are equally filled with that warmth. She only wishes to imbue it into them for longer. </p>
<p>"I love being here," Opal muses to herself. She stares over the ocean, the waves lapping at the beach before her, the sunset blooming into colour on the horizon. She feels the wind in her hair, the warmth on her skin, the grass underneath her hands as she holds onto the physicality of her being. She smiles. "Of course I do. But... I can't be a problem, either. If I could selfishly ask to just exist sometimes, I would be very happy. But I cannot be Garnet, I am not Garnet. I do not need to be here all the time."</p>
<p>Smiling, her form melts into a soft white light, which shifts back to two far smaller gems, leaning against each other, hands entwined.</p>
<p>"I think she's right, you know." Pearl murmurs, squeezing Amethyst's fingers. Amethyst hums in agreement, stroking her thumb over Pearl's fingers.</p>
<p>"I love you, but we both need some space, huh."</p>
<p>Pearl giggles. "I should never have kept you from your food, should I?" she teases. Amethyst snorts, smiling. <br/>“Nope,” she says, popping the p. “I think… I like being me with you, as much as I like being Opal,” Amethyst admits. Pearl leans her chin on Amethyst’s head gently. <br/>“Couldn’t have said it better, Amethyst. But,” she starts, pulling back to look Amethyst in the eye, “Never doubt that you are incredibly valuable to me, Amethyst. No matter what, no matter where, I love you, whether or not we are Opal.” </p>
<p>Amethyst’s eyes are getting misty, so she tugs Pearl down to her a bit. <br/>“I’ll try and remember that, P,” she mumbles, and kisses Pearl softly. </p>
<p>Maybe, together, they can always carry an essence of Opal with them, if they can just keep reminding themselves that they are no one other than themselves. In space, and in fusion, they will always be opalescent.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you enjoyed this! This was written for the True Kinda Love zine, focusing on love between various gems of various types. I kinda wanted to show that despite not fusing all the time, it doesn't make their love less true; sometimes, one person's love doesn't look quite the same as someone else's, but that's okay. As long as no one is getting hurt, I think all types of love are great, whether they're quiet or loud, fused or not.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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